Usually I start these posts about how it has been forever since I wrote…yadda yadda yadda…and then make some promise of doing more stuff on this site. Not going to do that this time because life is even crazier now since we welcomed our baby boy to the world in October. Although, this page really will be my only creative outlet for the next year…I know “Toni Time” will be very limited.

The little man’s name is Logan. He is a BIG boy! 9lbs 8oz at birth and thriving! He was born via scheduled C-section which many people said “Lucky You” to me and I understand why…however a c-section is an intense surgery. They literally slice you open, move your insides around and then push the baby out of the small incision. This was my second c-section and I will admit I was more afraid this time around. The last time it was more of an emergency c-section after 17 hours of unsuccessful labour. This time I walked into the hospital KNOWING they were going to cut me open. I remember sitting in the O.R. with like 10 people just walking around. I was so cold and exposed especially when they had to put the freezing into my back. I made the mistake of looking at the “tool table” and seeing ALL of the stuff my doc would be using to get the big guy out. One memory I will always have was when Nick was sitting beside me just trying to keep me calm and in good spirits. He made me laugh about something and my doctor said “no laughing, we are doing surgery over here”…which now thinking about it probably should have realized that at the time but I was so loopy.

Logan came out and I just said “He’s HUGE” which made so much sense because I was huge carrying him. It was love at first sight though. The hospital part was OK…although once again breastfeeding issues. The nurses were so helpful but at the same time you are so tired so having random strangers grab at your breasts and show you different techniques is really awkward. I am definitely a person who does not like being touched so that part really caused some frustration for me although I know they were just doing their job.

Since being home life has become so crazy. Having an almost 4 year old and a newborn is quite the task but Nick and I chose to go with the “Divide and Conquer” method. Nick focused on our daughter Ryan and I focused on Logan. Most of which is diapers, feedings, sleep, repeat. We are 2 months into our new family dynamic and I love it! Although I have definitely had some breakdowns and overwhelming emotions…we are still figuring it out. I will probably dive a little deeper into THAT another day.

Not going to end this by saying I will post more – but I do hope that I give myself the time to come post here. I’m not expecting the world to see (especially since I never really told people I was doing it)…it’s really just something for me to do for me. I really had high hopes for the page – maybe ONE day it will get to what I envisioned but for now it’s kind of like a diary or journal that I can share.

Til next time!